When I was 17, in my last year of high school, I was not much of a rule follower. I felt alone, different, and unable to make good decisions. My parents loved me very much, but were unsure how to best help me succeed in life. I was failing many classes, skipping school frequently, and had moved out of my parents home to live with a friend. I had outcast myself from the people who loved me the most, and I thought I was doing it because they didn't care. Quite the contrary was the case.
My mom and dad, not knowing what else to do, took me to a youth rehabilitation center for troubled youth. Although I did not know it at the time, this would change my life forever in ways I could never imagine. I was miserable for those next 9 months, or at least I thought I was! I just kept hoping they would pull me out, but they stuck to the plan and let me ride it out.
I was introduced to a different way of life. A very structured and "boring" life. We were required to get up early (this has never been one of my strong points) and go to the center. We would have many group meetings with one or more counselors, sometimes large groups, sometimes more intimate groups. For the first month we were not allowed to go home at night. Instead we would go to a host family of other kids in the program. They would graciously give us a secure, safe place to sleep, feed us dinner and breakfast, then return us to the center for another grueling day of our regimen. Our lunch was to be mainly peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Occasionally we would get a nice host family that would give us a choice of PB&J or meat sandwiches. That was a special treat! At the host house we were required to shower in less than 5 minutes, and help out with chores they needed done. Once a week or so we would have a parent group session where our parents would come and we could share with them what we had been working on. When your counselor and parents thought you were ready to go home, they would send you with a support person of a 'higher level' to help keep you on task at home. The first time you went home, they scoured your room for any contraband or harmful items. All bedrooms had to have an alarm on the doors and windows to help deter runaways. It was all a very humbling experience.
I drudged through this time in my life, dreaming of the day I would get out and be free again to make my own choices. I cannot say it was all bad, I made some great friends, who all had problems of their own, but were friends none the less. I felt like I belonged for once. Many of the people in the program had much more serious 'problems' than I, but having people to relate to was a good thing for me. I finished high school with the help of the counselors and my parents. This would not have been possible on the path I had been on previously!
When I graduated, it didn't take me long to reconnect with some of my old friends. It was never the same with them though. They had a different life, different experiences, and new friends as well. I moved out of my house again and tried to fit back in to my old life. After about a year of not really knowing where I belonged, I hooked back up with some of my friends I had made in the program. I was again on a path of destruction, and this time I had a group of friends who had experienced what I had. After about 3 or 4 months of interacting and mingling with this group, I was reacquainted with Ken.
Ken had also been through Turnabout and had graduated about the same time as me. I never gave him much thought while I was in there. I was not interested in any of the boys there, all I was interested in was doing my time and getting out. What I remember of him was everyone saying how he looked like Ronald McDonald when he first got in, and how he used to wear eyeliner and had died his hair black. He would sit in a box in the corner of the room for the first little bit of my enlistment in 'Turnabout'. Dr Schroeder would come in occasionally and scold him. He would ask how many phone books he had and sometimes for no reason at all give him another one. Dr Schroeder was, in my eyes, frightening. Everyone would sink in their seats when he entered the room, hoping they would not be his prey for the day. I was lucky to never be his target, but I remember a few times that Ken was.
When I began hanging out with these friends again, I did not notice Ken at first. He says he noticed me, but I was on a man hating streak and wanted nothing to do with boys. I had fun taunting them though! One night, while hanging out with some friends, I realized he wasn't half bad. From that moment on, I was hooked. We spent the net 4 years dating, living together, breaking up, chasing each other, and finally he proposed to me. It was something I was secretly wishing for, but it would never have happened if circumstances would have been different. I knew I needed him, I could not sleep or eat when our relationship was rocky. The few times we broke up I was a mess. He was my best friend, the one I knew I could count on when I was a mess. This was frequently the case. I already had some depression issues, then my mother passed away and I went spiraling out of control. I was burning bridges with all my good friends, not on purpose, but because I would get drunk and say and do things that were unforgivable.
When I found out I was pregnant my first instinct was to run away. "I would go have this baby in secret and not tell Ken" I thought. I did not think he would like or want it. I took the test one evening while I was getting ready for bed. Ken had moved in with me and my friends, but was working graveyard shifts and was not supposed to be home until early the next morning. Before I could even grasp the reality of the results from the pregnancy test he came home. He could see something was wrong with me, and having no one else there to tell my news to, I broke down and told him. His reaction was nothing I had expected. He immediately told me we would get married and it would all be OK. Apparently that is just what I needed, for it to all be OK! Our daughter is our saving grace. She came at just the right time, and helped us move our relationship to the next level, where it belongs. To this day, I love my husband, in fact, I love him more and more every day. I'm not saying we don't have issues now and again. But with our background of having to talk about our feelings in Turnabout, we have been able to work out our differences and strengthen our relationship. We now have a beautiful daughter, and a handsome son. We live in a beautiful little house which I like to call our cottage. We ride bikes together, go camping together, and best of all, we do everything TOGETHER. I love this man and all we have built together and look forward to many more years of happiness and fond memories. I love you Ken!
Love, Dawn
